inbox!!

[phantomshow]

voice } video } text } action

Comments

[phantomshow]

[Ren huffs a dry almost-laugh. Classic Akechi. He’s not wrong, though. Ren does look like shit. He feels like shit too. And he’s definitely not touching the keeping you waiting thing.]

Nice to see you too, Detective. Actually - I’m glad you stopped by, I have something for you.

[Ren flips the crossword book and pencil to the interior of the van and turns to the dark blue shoulder bag at his side, digging around the interior and retrieving two packets of Takemedic from within. He holds them out for Akechi to take.]

[undyingcrow]

[Well, far be it from Akechi to turn up supplies. He accepts them carefully in his taloned hands.]

Just make sure to save some for yourself.

[Ren is the one who's worse off, after all.]

So... I have been thinking.

[He might as well offer some small mercy here, if only to help Ren get his shit together. ...Not just for that reason, but still.]

[phantomshow]

I did.

[He has one dose left. And he’ll probably end up giving it to someone else he thinks needs it more, because that’s just how Ren is.

Ah. Here we go. Preemptively, Ren’s heart drops into his stomach. Best to just get this over with. He told Akechi he’d support whatever decision he made, and he intends to stick to that, no matter how much it will hurt to be rejected. Ren retrieves the pencil from the van’s floor and sets to twirling it absently through his fingers]

Yeah? That’s kinda your thing. Thinking.

[undyingcrow]

You know what I mean.

[Ugh... Honestly, Ren.

Well, Akechi... invites himself in, taking a seat, because why not at this point?]

So. What would you expect from me, exactly? You said before that you want me as I am, but is that truly enough for you?

[phantomshow]

[Ren moves to the side to make space for Akechi, kicking his legs out over the edge of the bus to dangle aimlessly while he sits, slouched. He already feels defeated.]

I told you, I don’t expect anything from you.

[Ren sighs and rubs at the side of his head, where it’s begun to throb.]

Look, can we just forget I said anything? It was stupid. Like you said, dreams are irrational. I don’t know why I even brought it up.

[Because it needed to be said, Arsène unhelpfully interjects from the back of his mind. Ren frowns.]

[undyingcrow]

I can't simply forget it, Ren.

[Nor does he want to, if he's being truly honest with himself.

But that's the tricky thing. Honesty isn't exactly his strong suit.]

You have such an annoying habit of putting everyone else before yourself. That night, you actually took some initiative on your own behalf, so why take it back now?

[phantomshow]

Because I don’t want to lose you again.

[And he’s afraid that will be the result of his dream-spawned episode of raw honesty. That he’ll want too much, and Akechi will leave because of it. Ren knows how Akechi is, that he desires freedom above all else. How can Ren be happy if he stands between Akechi and the thing he wants most?]

I’d rather just be your rival than nothing at all.

[undyingcrow]

That's awfully pessimistic of you.

[Though, perhaps that's his own damn fault. He's made a rather frustrating habit out of disappearing, between the engine room and the aftermath of Maruki's reality.]

Though I suppose I can see why you'd come to that conclusion. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me to discard someone before they can discard me.

[He folds his arms, staring out through the open back of the van.]

...But I am trying not to fall back on old habits.

[phantomshow]

What? No, that wasn’t -

[Ren’s head snaps up, expression twisted in horror. He shakes his head. That hadn’t been on his mind at all.]

You were so afraid of me, and I could feel it. It was awful. I never want you to feel like that again.

[undyingcrow]

You think that was your fault?

[Ha... Akechi slowly shakes his head. Oh, how funny.]

Oh no, Ren. I'm simply a deranged mess. Honestly, it's all so humiliating.

[His talons dig into the fabric of his sleeves... which isn't ideal, but he'll live.]

What sort of coward fears the one thing they've craved for years?

[phantomshow]

[Oh … OK, that makes a lot more sense. It’s not Ren himself that was the cause for Akechi’s spikes of fear, but what he was offering. It’s not hard to see where he misread the signals.]

Not a coward at all. Someone who’s been hurt over and over and doesn’t want to get hurt again. I just thought - the way that dream started - [with the violent stabbing] - you were afraid I’d hurt you like everyone else has. I don’t want that.

[Ren feels a bit stupid for not figuring that out until it was pointed out to him. It’s an uncomfortable truth to accept, but he accepts it all the same.]

You’re a lot less deranged than you used to be, you know.

[Ah yes, there he goes using humor to ease the tension. His trusty default tactic. It’s only part joke, though - Ren can never forget the absolutely broken way Akechi laughed and screamed in the engine room.]

[undyingcrow]

[Okay, that actually gets another stare from Akechi.]

Ren, you'd be fully justified in stabbing me. I almost shot you in the head.

[Not that he can't see where Ren's coming from. There's even a grain of truth to it...

But Ren hasn't hurt him. He had so many opportunities, but he did everything right.]

But... I suppose I have had time to reorient myself. Months free from puppet strings, where I could finally chose for myself.

[He lifts one taloned hand, flexing his fingers.]

...Even if it's only an illusion of freedom.

[phantomshow]

[Of course Akechi would frame that dream violence in context to the first time he tried to murder Ren. Classic Akechi thinking. Ren leans back on his hands and tips his head toward the other teen.]

Are you ever going to forgive yourself for that? [It’s gentle, but still challenging.] I did a long time ago. You should too.

[Ren truly harbors no hard feelings over the attempted murder, or any of the other awful things Akechi’s done. He knows Akechi saw the error of his ways in the engine room, and he took steps toward setting things right afterward. He’s not the same person he used to be - Hereward is evidence of that, if nothing else. Akechi was a victim too, and he changed his own heart of his own volition. That’s more than many can claim.]

“Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.” If that’s true, I’d say your freedom here isn’t an illusion at all.

[undyingcrow]

You know I don't forgive easily.

[Least of all himself.

Still, that quote... Heh. That actually brings a ghost of a smile back to his face.]

Albert Camus? I suppose his philosophies do align quite nicely with the Phantom Thieves.

[phantomshow]

Says the guy who quoted Hegel at me the first time we met.

[Second time, technically, unless they’re counting the filmed debate about the Phantom Thieves, which would make Hegel their third interaction. But really, who’s counting. The crooked grin shifts to something softer, more serious.]

I know you don’t. But you should still try. It gets easier with practice.

[Kindness is a skill, learned and leveled up like any other. Ren believes Akechi can learn how to be kinder with himself. Maybe he just needs to be shown how.

Maybe that starts with honestly answering his earlier question, without the evasion and panicked backpedaling. Ren quietly sighs and stares out into the distance.]

You keep asking me the same question and expecting me to say something different. My answer won’t change. I don’t expect anything from you, Akechi. I don’t even expect you to feel the same way about me.

[undyingcrow]

[How does he even respond to that? It's just so... generous. Accepting.

Yet again, everything Akechi could have dreamed of, but nothing he deserves.]

Well, I never said that I didn't.

[Even admitting that is... difficult, but there's no sense in being dishonest. No one else is listening. He owes Ren for so many things, most recently his lack of any meaningful communication.]

But you understand that such... sentiments hardly come naturally to me.

[phantomshow]

Yeah. I know.

[Akechi has been more than clear about his dislike for sentiment. Expression of feelings is vulnerability, and vulnerability means leaving yourself open to being hurt. Not hard to see why he wouldn’t be a fan.

So, a different approach is needed. Instead of feelings, maybe a focus on actions will be easier for Akechi to tackle.]

What do you want from me? Other than the rematch, that’s a given. Or, if it’s easier, what do you not want from me?

[undyingcrow]

I want you to stay.

[Ren can read what he wants from that, really. It's still hard to be entirely vulnerable. Even revealing this much is... taxing, to say the least.

Too many people have left him behind.]

I realize that's rather hypocritical, of course.

[phantomshow]

[Slightly hypocritical, yes, given that Akechi is the one who’s left Ren behind more than once. And though it’s a direct answer, it’s still ambiguous in the broader context of what they both want from the nature of their relationship.

But it’s a start. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was Ren’s previous bond with Akechi. Stay. Ren can do that. He turns to face Akechi with a smile ghosting his lips and nods.]

Let’s make a deal. [Akechi has always responded well to those.] I promise to stay, if you’ll do the same.

[Simple enough terms, and it leaves them on even footing. Ren holds out his left hand for Akechi to shake if he finds the proposal agreeable.]

[undyingcrow]

[It's so deceptively simple.

Staying could mean so many things. It's vague. Ill defined. Akechi knows that.

But it's... a start, and Ren has proven himself plenty of times before. He's the one person Akechi can trust without question, so...

Breathing in slowly, he takes Ren's hand.]

Fair enough. You've upheld all our prior deals.

[phantomshow]

[There’s a swelling of his heart when Akechi takes his hand, another freeing sensation like a heavy chain breaking in two. Ren hasn’t experienced the same kind of loss as Akechi, but he understands what it feels like to be abandoned. By his parents, when they sent him away to Tokyo for a year, over a crime he didn’t commit. By the rest of the Phantom Thieves, at the start of January, when none of them included Ren as a fixture in their ideal realities. He forgives them all, but forgiving is different than forgetting, and he can never forget how it felt to be so easily discarded.]

You too.

[It might seem illogical and dangerously foolish for Ren to trust Akechi, after everything that has transpired between them. But the heart is not a center of logic, and Ren is someone who follows his heart. His heart tells him that trusting Akechi is the right choice.

Ren gently rubs his thumb over Akechi’s knuckles, reassuring. He’ll let Akechi decide when he’s ready to let go.]

Wanna do a crossword with me?

[undyingcrow]

[It's an odd feeling. They've shaken hands before, but... not quite like this, with gentle touches.

He has to be careful. The talons make handshakes a riskier ordeal, but he does his best not to accidentally prick or puncture.

Some of the tension dissipates. It's... fine. This is perfectly fine.]

Well, it's not as though I've anywhere else to be.

[phantomshow]

[Ren smiles, content with this rebalancing between them. The part of his heart that holds space for Akechi has been soothed; both have promised to stay. It’s enough, for now.

He retrieves the pencil and book of crosswords he’d tossed into the van earlier and turns a few pages in to a fresh puzzle.]

Five letters. “Sought the favor of.”

[undyingcrow]

[Oh, well isn't that funny? Akechi snorts, but a wry smile hangs on his lips all the same.]

Wooed, obviously.

[phantomshow]

Obviously.

[Ren attempts to hold back a smirk as he fills in the boxes for the first clue. Task accomplished, he hums a quiet thoughtful note while picking out the second clue, effortlessly twirling the pencil through his fingers.]

Also five letters. “Expensive theater boxes.”