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[She. His mother. Ren is pulled back from dozing off again with a sudden, fierce desire to wrap Akechi up in his arms and hold him close until the pain of this primary betrayal subsides. If it ever can.

It would be too much, though. Ren has enough impulse control to channel that desire into a smaller gesture, one Akechi might take a chance on accepting - sliding an open hand between them on the van floor, an offer of some small physical comfort. Akechi can decide whether to take Ren’s hand or view the gesture as support from a distance. Ren’s only aim is to communicate that he is present and available.]

I can’t speak for anyone else. I can only speak for myself.

[Ren can understand, distantly, the desire to end one’s own life, though it’s not something he has personally considered an option, even in his darkest moments. He can allow his mind to wander down that rocky path and imagine a point where despair becomes an overwhelming riptide against which you no longer have the strength to fight. He can hypothesize that perhaps, in permanently removing herself from her son’s life, Akechi’s mother thought she was doing what was best for him. The logic itself is twisted and flawed, but hadn’t Akechi made a similar argument for why he hadn’t let Ren know he was still alive after defeating Maruki?

It’s not Ren’s place to speculate on her motivations, and Akechi deserves better than empty platitudes. Neither of them will ever truly know the reasons why she left her son behind.]

I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to comprehend it - love isn’t something you can logic your way into understanding. Just trust me, OK? I won’t let you down.

[Maybe it's because he's tired, both physically and emotionally, but he takes that offered hand with a soft groan. It's so... He's so...

Pitiful. Pathetic.

But it's... comforting. He doesn't deserve comfort, but he can't deny that it's working, worming its way through the cracks in his defenses.]

Logic is stable. Reliable. Emotions are... unruly. Not that I intend to shed them. Someone already attempted to force such a state upon me...

[It’s not weak or pathetic to seek comfort; it’s normal, natural. Ren neglects himself in this respect too often, but he finds it easier to make himself an example to show Akechi. This is comforting for him too, and he smiles a soft encouragement - this is OK, this is safe for both of them, and Ren wants it too.]

I know. Unruly things are a challenge, like jumping off a ledge and trusting yourself to find a safe landing while you’re still falling.

[He slowly brushes his thumb over Akechi’s hand, just like he did earlier when they made their deal to both stay.]

But I know you like a challenge.

A challenge.

[He makes a sound, somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle.]

You know me far too well. Of course, I don't intend to lose.

Of course I do. I’m your rival.

[I’m yours, he means, but phrases it using the words Akechi can accept. Ren’s heavy eyelids drop once again, and he traces his thumb over Akechi’s hand one more time before murmuring drowsily:]

Better step up your game, then.

Oh, I will...

[That little challenge prompts him to tug Ren closer, flashing his very pointy teeth.]

[Ren gasps quietly as he’s pulled back to consciousness again, but a fond smile quickly overtakes the flash of confusion settled over his face. Just Akechi being Akechi, and Ren doesn’t mind being drawn in closer to him even a little bit. He rolls languidly onto his side to face him, free hand cushioning his cheek from the van’s floor.]

Hey Akechi … what’s flying like?

[His eyelids shut before he finishes asking.]

[Hm. Now there's a fascinating question.

He breathes out silently, watching Ren's movements.]

Liberating, really. True freedom, untethered to the earth.

Sounds really nice.

[Ren inhales a deep, slow breath and quietly exhales, perfectly comfortable and already halfway asleep. And he’s still managing to hold on to Akechi’s hand.]

Your wings are pretty.

I suppose corvid feathers do have a certain allure...

[Slowly, he relaxing, letting his eyelids fall shut. It's fine. They're safe here. It's... comforting.]

‘S ‘cause they’re yours.

[And with that, Ren finally drops out of consciousness. His breath evens out as sleep overtakes him - peaceful, unbroken, free of nightmares.]

Mm... Of course you'd say that...

[Like Ren, Akechi succumbs to sleep soon after, a heavy sigh escaping him, as if a tremendous weight has lifted.

For once, no nightmares plague his dreams.]

[For the first time since arriving in Revan, Ren sleeps well.

Perhaps Akechi shouldn’t be as much of a comfort to Ren as he is, all things in their shared history considered. Perhaps Ren shouldn’t be so trusting of his more-than-rival, given the lies and attempted murder.

But Tricksters aren’t known for following shoulds. Ren has changed fate before, he has defied the odds, and he will continue to do so when the risks are worth taking.

Regardless of what anyone else may believe, for Ren, Akechi is worth everything.]

inbox!!

cw more vaguely referenced suicide

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