ren "i'm a dad" amamiya } joker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
phantomshow) wrote2025-06-01 10:11 pm
phantomshow) wrote2025-06-01 10:11 pm
inbox!!
voice } video } text } action
voice } video } text } action
voice } video } text } action
voice } video } text } action
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[He sets the crossword book down between them and pulls a knee up to his chest.]
What happens to her? Aida.
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[Akechi breaths a small sigh.]
Both Aida and Radamès die together in each other's arms, within a sealed tomb. The latter was sentenced to death for his "betrayal," and the former couldn't bear to live without him, so she hid herself within the very vault he was to die in.
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I guess people probably think that’s romantic, huh?
[Ren doesn’t. But he can understand why someone might choose death over surviving without the person they love. It’s not an easy feat to keep living with such a great loss.]
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[He snorts softly, shaking his head.]
But something tells me you're not one for such tragedies.
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I think … a greater show of love would be continuing to live, even though it hurts.
[He blinks his eyes open again and allows his gaze to gently settle on the figure sat next to him.]
Remembering the dead is how we keep them alive, in a way.
[It’s what he’d done.]
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[But that's just his experience. He understands what Ren is saying.]
Lucky for you, I'm not a memory.
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[He smiles brighter, warmer, and bites back the impulse to say I love you again. He will say it again, but another time. They’ve already exchanged so many heavy words tonight. Any more might shatter the fragile peace they’ve managed to build.]
If you were just a memory, I’d need to seek out professional help. And something tells me therapists are hard to come by out here.
[Not that Ren’s likely to ever trust a therapist with those little hidden pieces of himself again. He learned his lesson with Maruki. That’s it, that’s the joke.]
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[Not that he trusts a therapist either, but he knows Ren knows better than to assume otherwise.
Still, he relaxes once more, light amusement sneaking into his words.]
No, I suppose we'll have to endure as the messes that we are.
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[Ren shrugs, comically exaggerated. He knows better than to try to deny that deep down, he too is incredibly messed up, a tangle of his own traumas and coping mechanisms. Akechi sees him too clearly for exactly what he is. Ren gently pulls his glasses off his face and rubs at his eyes.]
Wanna stay here tonight? It’s pretty late.
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It's an odd sort of vulnerability. So much smaller than his inner thoughts and feelings, yet it exposes how tired he truly is.
Here, now, he doesn't feel so inclined to move.]
Better here than cramped in the Convoy.
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[Nothing good, given the bare state of the van’s interior. But he’s secretly pleased - maybe not so secretly, given how brightly he smiles when Akechi agrees. Ren picks up the book of puzzles and pencil and neatly stashes them in his bag.]
Obviously it’s not much, but make yourself at home.
[Once the bag is zipped shut, Ren slips out of his blazer and folds it neatly on top of the bag, then holds the bundle out for Akechi to take.]
Best I can do for a pillow, [he explains, with an apologetic shrug.]
suggestive cw
[His face contorts ever so slightly, ears flicking back.]
...And the noise coming from some of the more. Passionate residents.
[Still, he accepts the blazer with a snort. It is better than nothing.]
gj making it awkward akechi
That’s awfully inconsiderate. I, um - I can’t say I’ve noticed anything like that in this area, but I guess if it does get noisy, I can always park somewhere else.
it's his job now, I guess
[Sanctity of the van... That sounded so stupid, he actually chuckles at the absurdity.]
Besides, I've certainly fared worse than using a blazer as a pillow.
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Well, like I said - make yourself at home wherever. I can move.
[He assumes Akechi will want some space, but he’ll let his guest pick where he’ll be most comfortable first.]
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[He's too tired to really get picky about positions. No, he'll settle on his side, wings carefully folded. It's not as though he can comfortably sleep on his back with them, after all. Wings don't do well being pinned d own.]
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[Ren did just promise Akechi he’d stay, though. Maybe that means here, too. And there’s plenty of room for them both.
Ren pulls the back doors closed but leaves the window open for the airflow, then settles on his back on the other side of the van’s floor, hands folded beneath his head, glancing at Akechi out of the corner of his eye to make sure this arrangement is OK.]
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It's been some time since I shared a 'room' with someone in this capacity.
[The Convoy doesn't count. It's less private. More a simple necessity. This is a conscious choice.]
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[It sounds like there’s more Akechi wants to say on the subject. But asking outright seems like a surefire way to make him clam up again, Ren thinks. So he doesn’t prod for answers, just indicates he’s willing to listen if Akechi accepts the invitation to say more.]
cw for child neglect
[He scoffs softly, shaking his head.]
It was different with my mother, but you already know how that ended.
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His mother was important to him, and her death left a deep enough scar to shape the path he chose to forge thereafter. It’s not hard to imagine why that path led toward Shido and all of the awful work he convinced Akechi to do.
Someday, Ren thinks, he’d like to know more about Akechi’s mother. Someday, he hopes they’ll both feel safe enough that his asking about her won’t tear apart everything they’ve managed to build together. Not tonight, though.]
You’ve been through a lot.
[Not the first time Ren said as much, and it likely won’t be the last. But the repetition doesn’t make it any less true. He pulls off his glasses and tucks them away to the side where they’ll be safe while he sleeps.
Ren’s eyes close almost immediately as he settles back down on the van floor. He can already feel consciousness quickly slipping away.]
You’re really strong, you know. It’s one of the things I admire most about you.
[That part Ren hasn’t said before, but it’s important for Akechi to have the full truth. He abhors being pitied, but Ren has never pitied him. Akechi shouldn’t have needed to survive, alone, in the uncaring world he was born into, but he did, over and over again, and Ren can only respect him deeply for it. For his stubborn tenacity, his uncompromising unwillingness to surrender.]
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[He wheezes weak, tired laughter... Strong. Him.
He certainly doesn't feel strong, so overcome by revenge, so willing to make a deal with the devil...
And for what, in the end? An empty life in a gilded cage with a gun trained on his head the entire time, unbeknownst to him.]
That's not how I would describe myself, but I suppose I can't complain.
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[Describe himself, Ren means. He’s trying very hard to keep the conversation going, but the need to sleep is pulling him farther under by the second. He hasn’t slept more than a few hours at a time since arriving in Revan, but he feels safe enough to surrender fully with Akechi now by his side.]
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[The word slips out without even the slightest hesitation.]
No amount of trauma justifies what I did under Shido. I didn't have to use my abilities to aid him. I could have found a different path.
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You’re right. What happened to you doesn’t justify the choices you made. But it explains why you made them.
[Understanding and empathy go hand in hand. He understands Akechi deeply, and that’s why he so easily found the willingness to forgive him.]
You were a child. You’d been hurt so many times in so many ways, and the adults who should have helped and protected you chose to take advantage of you instead. They chose to use you for their own distorted desires.
[Not just Shido, though he was the most egregious offender. Okumura, the SIU director, and every other rotten adult who traded favors with Shido to be part of his powerful conspiracy. Their hands are all just as stained.]
So you made mistakes. Everyone does, but not everyone sees the error of their ways. Not everyone regrets the harm they’ve caused, or accepts responsibility for their actions.
[And hadn’t Akechi done that months ago? In the engine room, and after, when he chose to turn himself in and confess his crimes.]
There’s nothing you can do that will change the past.
[That’s what Maruki offered both of them, a clean sweep of their pasts and a fresh start, and they both decided they didn’t want it.]
All you can do is decide what to do now, and in the future. You can choose to do better, and I know you already have. [Ren smiles fondly, encouraging.] You can choose to help instead of hurt. You can choose to be kind, and you can choose to care.
[Kindness is a choice. Maybe not for everyone - for some people, kindness comes more naturally. But for those who’ve been hurt by the world, kindness isn’t easy, and the choice to be kind must be a deliberate one.]
You can choose to use the second chance you’ve been given to be the sort of person you needed and didn’t have.
[Choices are everything. How to act, what to do in the face of adversity, whether to stand up for what’s right when it will likely cause you pain or stay safe and look the other way. Ren smiles again and settles down on his back, hands interlaced and resting over the flat of his stomach. Exhaustion overtakes him anew, and his eyes fall shut again.]
It’s hard work to change your own heart, but you did it. That’s what I mean when I say you’re strong.
[He inhales and exhales again, breath quiet and even. His voice gets even softer as he speaks one more truth:]
And that’s just one of the reasons why I love you.
cw referenced suicide
cw more vaguely referenced suicide
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