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Guess we have no choice.

[Ren shrugs, comically exaggerated. He knows better than to try to deny that deep down, he too is incredibly messed up, a tangle of his own traumas and coping mechanisms. Akechi sees him too clearly for exactly what he is. Ren gently pulls his glasses off his face and rubs at his eyes.]

Wanna stay here tonight? It’s pretty late.

[It only dawns on Akechi that it's getting late. With that realization, a yawn sneaks out of him, unveiling his rather sharp teeth.

It's an odd sort of vulnerability. So much smaller than his inner thoughts and feelings, yet it exposes how tired he truly is.

Here, now, he doesn't feel so inclined to move.]

Better here than cramped in the Convoy.

Yeah? Says a lot about the setup at the Convoy.

[Nothing good, given the bare state of the van’s interior. But he’s secretly pleased - maybe not so secretly, given how brightly he smiles when Akechi agrees. Ren picks up the book of puzzles and pencil and neatly stashes them in his bag.]

Obviously it’s not much, but make yourself at home.

[Once the bag is zipped shut, Ren slips out of his blazer and folds it neatly on top of the bag, then holds the bundle out for Akechi to take.]

Best I can do for a pillow, [he explains, with an apologetic shrug.]

Edited 2025-06-12 17:42 (UTC)

Don't get me wrong. The furnishings are adequate, but my changes make the bunks... less than ideal, to say nothing of the shared living space.

[His face contorts ever so slightly, ears flicking back.]

...And the noise coming from some of the more. Passionate residents.

[Still, he accepts the blazer with a snort. It is better than nothing.]

[Hoo boy, as Sojiro would say. What an awkward situation. Ren hmms quietly and absently winds a lock of his hair around his index finger, doing his best to ignore the sudden flash of warmth crawling up his neck.]

That’s awfully inconsiderate. I, um - I can’t say I’ve noticed anything like that in this area, but I guess if it does get noisy, I can always park somewhere else.

I doubt the sounds will permeate the sanctity of this van.

[Sanctity of the van... That sounded so stupid, he actually chuckles at the absurdity.]

Besides, I've certainly fared worse than using a blazer as a pillow.

[Ren tries not to think too hard on what kind of worse Akechi might be referencing. He knows just enough of Akechi’s history for his imagination to conjure up speculations, but he won’t ask for details or verification. Akechi keeps his secrets well guarded, and Ren has the necessary patience to wait until he has earned access beyond those walls, if such time ever comes.]

Well, like I said - make yourself at home wherever. I can move.

[He assumes Akechi will want some space, but he’ll let his guest pick where he’ll be most comfortable first.]

You don't have to. It's your vehicle.

[He's too tired to really get picky about positions. No, he'll settle on his side, wings carefully folded. It's not as though he can comfortably sleep on his back with them, after all. Wings don't do well being pinned d own.]

I know. But you’re my guest.

[Ren did just promise Akechi he’d stay, though. Maybe that means here, too. And there’s plenty of room for them both.

Ren pulls the back doors closed but leaves the window open for the airflow, then settles on his back on the other side of the van’s floor, hands folded beneath his head, glancing at Akechi out of the corner of his eye to make sure this arrangement is OK.]

[Akechi nods, clamping his mouth shut to suppress another yawn.]

It's been some time since I shared a 'room' with someone in this capacity.

[The Convoy doesn't count. It's less private. More a simple necessity. This is a conscious choice.]

Yeah?

[It sounds like there’s more Akechi wants to say on the subject. But asking outright seems like a surefire way to make him clam up again, Ren thinks. So he doesn’t prod for answers, just indicates he’s willing to listen if Akechi accepts the invitation to say more.]

At "best," there were crowded orphanages between negligent foster homes. Whenever I had "my" own space, it was typically a closet or a basement.

[He scoffs softly, shaking his head.]

It was different with my mother, but you already know how that ended.

[Ren hums a quiet note of understanding. He knows as much as Akechi has told him, which isn’t much, but it’s enough to connect certain dots.

His mother was important to him, and her death left a deep enough scar to shape the path he chose to forge thereafter. It’s not hard to imagine why that path led toward Shido and all of the awful work he convinced Akechi to do.

Someday, Ren thinks, he’d like to know more about Akechi’s mother. Someday, he hopes they’ll both feel safe enough that his asking about her won’t tear apart everything they’ve managed to build together. Not tonight, though.]

You’ve been through a lot.

[Not the first time Ren said as much, and it likely won’t be the last. But the repetition doesn’t make it any less true. He pulls off his glasses and tucks them away to the side where they’ll be safe while he sleeps.

Ren’s eyes close almost immediately as he settles back down on the van floor. He can already feel consciousness quickly slipping away.]

You’re really strong, you know. It’s one of the things I admire most about you.

[That part Ren hasn’t said before, but it’s important for Akechi to have the full truth. He abhors being pitied, but Ren has never pitied him. Akechi shouldn’t have needed to survive, alone, in the uncaring world he was born into, but he did, over and over again, and Ren can only respect him deeply for it. For his stubborn tenacity, his uncompromising unwillingness to surrender.]

Strong, eh?

[He wheezes weak, tired laughter... Strong. Him.

He certainly doesn't feel strong, so overcome by revenge, so willing to make a deal with the devil...

And for what, in the end? An empty life in a gilded cage with a gun trained on his head the entire time, unbeknownst to him.]

That's not how I would describe myself, but I suppose I can't complain.

Mm. How would you?

[Describe himself, Ren means. He’s trying very hard to keep the conversation going, but the need to sleep is pulling him farther under by the second. He hasn’t slept more than a few hours at a time since arriving in Revan, but he feels safe enough to surrender fully with Akechi now by his side.]

Foolish.

[The word slips out without even the slightest hesitation.]

No amount of trauma justifies what I did under Shido. I didn't have to use my abilities to aid him. I could have found a different path.

[Oh. That answer snaps Ren right out of his dozing. Once again fully awake, he turns on his side to silently study Akechi for a long moment before he speaks again. His voice is soft, and it belies the strength of his belief in what he says.]

You’re right. What happened to you doesn’t justify the choices you made. But it explains why you made them.

[Understanding and empathy go hand in hand. He understands Akechi deeply, and that’s why he so easily found the willingness to forgive him.]

You were a child. You’d been hurt so many times in so many ways, and the adults who should have helped and protected you chose to take advantage of you instead. They chose to use you for their own distorted desires.

[Not just Shido, though he was the most egregious offender. Okumura, the SIU director, and every other rotten adult who traded favors with Shido to be part of his powerful conspiracy. Their hands are all just as stained.]

So you made mistakes. Everyone does, but not everyone sees the error of their ways. Not everyone regrets the harm they’ve caused, or accepts responsibility for their actions.

[And hadn’t Akechi done that months ago? In the engine room, and after, when he chose to turn himself in and confess his crimes.]

There’s nothing you can do that will change the past.

[That’s what Maruki offered both of them, a clean sweep of their pasts and a fresh start, and they both decided they didn’t want it.]

All you can do is decide what to do now, and in the future. You can choose to do better, and I know you already have. [Ren smiles fondly, encouraging.] You can choose to help instead of hurt. You can choose to be kind, and you can choose to care.

[Kindness is a choice. Maybe not for everyone - for some people, kindness comes more naturally. But for those who’ve been hurt by the world, kindness isn’t easy, and the choice to be kind must be a deliberate one.]

You can choose to use the second chance you’ve been given to be the sort of person you needed and didn’t have.

[Choices are everything. How to act, what to do in the face of adversity, whether to stand up for what’s right when it will likely cause you pain or stay safe and look the other way. Ren smiles again and settles down on his back, hands interlaced and resting over the flat of his stomach. Exhaustion overtakes him anew, and his eyes fall shut again.]

It’s hard work to change your own heart, but you did it. That’s what I mean when I say you’re strong.

[He inhales and exhales again, breath quiet and even. His voice gets even softer as he speaks one more truth:]

And that’s just one of the reasons why I love you.

I still can't comprehend it.

[But his voice is weak, no fight or bite to speak of. He knows better. Ren isn't one to turn back on such a profound declaration.

A small sigh escapes him, and he stares up at the ceiling.]

"Love" isn't something I've experienced in a long time, if ever. After all, if she truly loved me, would she really have...?

[She. His mother. Ren is pulled back from dozing off again with a sudden, fierce desire to wrap Akechi up in his arms and hold him close until the pain of this primary betrayal subsides. If it ever can.

It would be too much, though. Ren has enough impulse control to channel that desire into a smaller gesture, one Akechi might take a chance on accepting - sliding an open hand between them on the van floor, an offer of some small physical comfort. Akechi can decide whether to take Ren’s hand or view the gesture as support from a distance. Ren’s only aim is to communicate that he is present and available.]

I can’t speak for anyone else. I can only speak for myself.

[Ren can understand, distantly, the desire to end one’s own life, though it’s not something he has personally considered an option, even in his darkest moments. He can allow his mind to wander down that rocky path and imagine a point where despair becomes an overwhelming riptide against which you no longer have the strength to fight. He can hypothesize that perhaps, in permanently removing herself from her son’s life, Akechi’s mother thought she was doing what was best for him. The logic itself is twisted and flawed, but hadn’t Akechi made a similar argument for why he hadn’t let Ren know he was still alive after defeating Maruki?

It’s not Ren’s place to speculate on her motivations, and Akechi deserves better than empty platitudes. Neither of them will ever truly know the reasons why she left her son behind.]

I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to comprehend it - love isn’t something you can logic your way into understanding. Just trust me, OK? I won’t let you down.

[Maybe it's because he's tired, both physically and emotionally, but he takes that offered hand with a soft groan. It's so... He's so...

Pitiful. Pathetic.

But it's... comforting. He doesn't deserve comfort, but he can't deny that it's working, worming its way through the cracks in his defenses.]

Logic is stable. Reliable. Emotions are... unruly. Not that I intend to shed them. Someone already attempted to force such a state upon me...

[It’s not weak or pathetic to seek comfort; it’s normal, natural. Ren neglects himself in this respect too often, but he finds it easier to make himself an example to show Akechi. This is comforting for him too, and he smiles a soft encouragement - this is OK, this is safe for both of them, and Ren wants it too.]

I know. Unruly things are a challenge, like jumping off a ledge and trusting yourself to find a safe landing while you’re still falling.

[He slowly brushes his thumb over Akechi’s hand, just like he did earlier when they made their deal to both stay.]

But I know you like a challenge.

A challenge.

[He makes a sound, somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle.]

You know me far too well. Of course, I don't intend to lose.

Of course I do. I’m your rival.

[I’m yours, he means, but phrases it using the words Akechi can accept. Ren’s heavy eyelids drop once again, and he traces his thumb over Akechi’s hand one more time before murmuring drowsily:]

Better step up your game, then.

Oh, I will...

[That little challenge prompts him to tug Ren closer, flashing his very pointy teeth.]

[Ren gasps quietly as he’s pulled back to consciousness again, but a fond smile quickly overtakes the flash of confusion settled over his face. Just Akechi being Akechi, and Ren doesn’t mind being drawn in closer to him even a little bit. He rolls languidly onto his side to face him, free hand cushioning his cheek from the van’s floor.]

Hey Akechi … what’s flying like?

[His eyelids shut before he finishes asking.]

inbox!!

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suggestive cw

gj making it awkward akechi

it's his job now, I guess

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cw for child neglect

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cw referenced suicide

cw more vaguely referenced suicide

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